Posts tagged thoughts.



While you wait for the waiter, 

in that moment

do you not become the waiter

this website goes from saying the sound a car makes is nyoom to deep philosophical questions so fast it gives me whiplash 

(via tyleroakley)

Some thoughts on “coming out”


I have been genuinely surprised by the attention my “coming out” has received. What, at the time, felt like a casual mention of my sexual preference in an interview about my latest stint on Broadway in OUT Magazine, quickly grew into a multitude of blog and internet reports on my official status. Funny thing is, I had assumed that it was common knowledge, and that no one would care in the first place. It doesn’t get much gayer than Broadway, and the general rule around these parts is that you’re gay until proven otherwise….

The closet I came out of, over 13 years ago, is a distant memory. If you know me, you are quite adjusted to the news that I am gay. You’ve probably met my amazing and supportive parents. You’re likely friends with my boyfriend and have noted how easily affectionate we are with one another. You’ve maybe heard my actual coming out story, which took place, typically, during the seismic shift of college life.

Truthfully, before this week, I didn’t consciously consider my sexuality to be a significant factor in my work as an actor. I viewed life and work as a separation of two entirely different entities and felt quite justified in talking exclusively about my work in any interview I’ve been fortunate enough to give.

I also heeded the advice of well-meaning advisors in the business, who didn’t want my opportunities to be limited by any stigma. An actor’s ambiguity can often be his power. So, I decided to keep my private life, by omission, private. I even turned down an opportunity to be one of OUT Magazine’s “Out 100” a few years back, scared of what it may do to my still developing career.

I have played a range of characters - gay, straight, and indifferent; and I have never failed to find my way into a heterosexual character’s head or heart, or groin, for that matter. My job, after all, is to relate to the other.

But, that’s not the point…

The realization I’ve suddenly come to, as obvious as it now seems, is that being gay is the core to my success in the first place.

Generally, the cliche assumption is that gay actors are “limited” in range, but further examination will reveal a particularly helpful dichotomy in the gay experience. You are forced into a deeper self examination by virtue of your otherness, but equally necessary is a keen observation of the world around you. Being born into a society that has unspoken rules you instinctively fear you won’t be able to follow, you must meticulously observe, question, imitate in hopes of survival, struggle through the endlessly troubling prospect of being different. It mimics the exact contradiction at the center of the actor’s art - you must dive deeply into the self while simultaneously becoming someone entirely different.

I have made a career out of investigating people very much like myself - outsiders who have struggled with finding their place in the world. I have always been attracted to characters who are in search of some kind of truth, because truth is something that anyone born outside of a norm must define for himself.

I must also admit that holding on to the residual shame of being gay, by not living with total openness and self acceptance, I have felt even more effective in my work. It has been a chance to expose my own personal struggle under the relative safety of a public mask. I have told myself that my quiet struggle was worth it, a kind of subversive civic duty of sorts, if it kept resulting in a validation that I deemed sufficient enough to replace the self doubt and sadness that I have always carried with me. I was convinced that this turmoil was the gas which powered my artistic motor, and always wondered what I would be without it.

I have done myself a disservice by failing to reconcile who I am with whom I project to the world. I have often felt like two very different people as a result of my engaging in a job that is so entirely personal, while denying the personal source of my experience. I was cowardly, I now believe, to think that my shame was the only thing that made me interesting.

It is with a sense of brand new transparency that I write this. There is a genuine freedom in this honesty, because I now realize that my only chance at happiness, actor or not, is to fully embrace the wonderful gifts that being gay has afforded my experience in this life, and to look forward to the many opportunities that have nothing to do with being gay.

Our brains have a magic way of alerting us to stimuli, but only until they become so commonplace that we are no longer aware of them. I am ready for my homosexuality to be the noise in my head that is so normal, so typical, that I can start hearing all the various sounds that join it in the cacophony of life.

The ultimate benefit of coming out, then, if your job happens to be a public one like mine, is not the attention, the heroism, or the props. It’s simpler and much more important. It’s the final step in integrating the person I actually am with the person that walks onto the stage every night, and in trusting that this new authenticity will free me to concentrate on the multitude of new stories I hope to tell.

And as for the practical “fall-out” of an actor’s decision to live transparently, I would argue that if people don’t want to hire you because of their altered perception of your sexuality, they’re probably not the people you want to be working with in the first place. They lack imagination. And isn’t imagination the point of it all?

I forgot that happiness is entirely contingent on our ability to walk through life with pride and integrity. Perhaps I willfully ignored it in my quest for “success.” Yes, you could argue that I was already out, that the people who actually count have always known, that random strangers don’t matter one way or another; but I know deep down that they do, and that hiding in any way, large or small, has resulted in an insidious shame that persisted ever so quietly in the shadows.

It is the desire for authentic happiness that resulted in these thoughts, in the impetus to share them. I hope that it might inspire other artists to consider, not only the potential power of transparency, but the personal possibilities in a free and unencumbered heart.

Bobby Steggert

What’s the flip side to death?



The obvious theme to this week’s episode of Mad Men—the premiere of season 6—was death. The theme has been there from the beginning, growing stronger and more unavoidable as the show goes on.

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Awesome analysis! Brought together so many thoughts and feels I’ve had over the years. 

Do give this a read if you are an avid Mad Men fan.

  April 09, 2013 at 08:05pm


It’s probably very disingenuous of me to do this but I love showing people cool things and telling them funny stories and jokes so much and being the one to introduce them to it that if I’m on the receiving end and what I’m being shown or told is something I’m already well familiar with, I will pretend to not know it for the sake of how happy it makes them to enlighten me and watch me go through the same emotions they did when they first encountered it. I am at a complete loss in terms of deciding whether or not this makes me a bad person

I don’t think about this as much any more but when it does cross my mind I run into that same conflict. I just never imagined that I would see it verbalized in any form by someone else. And as much as I know that all my thoughts or experiences or quirks aren’t necessarily unique me, it still shocks me.

The feeling of interconnectedness and ‘relatability’ that internet communities allow us is truly incredible.

(via confusedtree-deactivated2013092)

  March 20, 2013 at 05:54pm

Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.

The Problem With The Big Bang Theory…


I’ve been meaning to post something about The Big Bang Theory for a while now but it’s taken me ‘till now to really understand what it is about the show that makes me uncomfortable. I’m not exactly a believer in the whole “only write about the things you like, don’t trash the things you don’t” trend which seems to be plaguing comments sections in negative articles lately, but I wanted to be able to really examine why I don’t like TBBT rather than just slagging it off. My main questions being - Why don’t I like this anymore? Why do I feel uncomfortable watching it? And why do I get so annoyed when I see people sing its praises online? The thing which really sparked this post was seeing a raft of comments on Facebook, below the last round of voting in Television Without Pity’s Tubey Awards, claiming The Big Bang Theory to be “the best comedy on TV”. This made me angry so instead of posting an impulsive comment calling out their bad taste which I’d probably regret later, I decided to really analyse why seeing comments like that made me so mad when previously, although I didn’t really love the show, I’d never considered myself as disliking The Big Bang Theory.

Hell, I even have season one on dvd, it’s sitting right between Battlestar Galactica and Bored To Death in my alphabetised collection.

And here, I think, is where my problem with The Big Bang Theory lies…

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Wow. This… pretty much nailed it on the head for me.

I mostly relate to one of the first points which addresses the “we’re laughing at you not with you” humour of the show because it really is distressing how much the show relies on it and probably why I find it not the slightest bit funny. The comparison to Community was also extremely helpful in driving that point home.

Man, I truly didn’t realize why I dislike TBBT so much until reading this. Very insightful.

(via cuntstitution)

Hayley Williams of Paramore talks about 'alone time' ›

This is basically me a lot of the time, and it feels great!

(Although ngl I do miss seeing certain people in my life)

Euphemism is a public pattern of false witness against neighbor. The entire military industry and so-called defense program of the world’s last superpower are regularly disguised by euphemism, for the simple reason that a massive killing enterprise to protect inequity in the world dare not be called by its right name.

Walter Brueggemann, Truth-Telling as Subversive Obedience

NEWS: US Soldier slaughters 16 Afghan civilians in killing spree.

Where is the moral outcry? 

(via existtheblog)

Where is the moral outcry? 

(I hate reblogging libertarians!)

(via anindiscriminatecollection)

  March 28, 2012 at 03:37pm


its sad that my life peaked at age 7

(via 30prs)

(via cat-eyes-deactivated20120216)

I am having a very intense desire to live.

By that I simply mean to

- interact with other people, new people!

- laugh and dance and talk deeply and catch up with friends

- go out and explore my city, new things, anything!

- take a trip, have a bonfire, swim in a lake or ocean

- do all the things I love - bake, sing, swim, read, talk, make music, everything

- enjoy nature in all it’s glory!

Yet here I am procrastinating studying for the midterms of courses that I don’t even care about since I am switching from an Honours Biology to an Honours International Development major come January (yes, it’s official).

And although I am an optimist and do try to see the benefits of all that I do, I am just not feeling that right now and in turn I am finding it very hard to muster up the motivation to plow through this.

I’m sick of being cooped up indoors studying. I feel like my energy would be better spent elsewhere. 

I am just feeling so alive and ready to DO.

  October 20, 2011 at 06:42pm

Just finished this week’s Project Runway episode

A few quick thoughts:

  • Bryce is gone THANK GOD
  • Burt still needs to go though
  • The Sheepdogs next week?! This right here reinforces my belief that you can stick a Canadian thing into any show

I think we can all agree that Dallas Green is a great musician. It’s a shame though since he comes off as, well, as a bit of a pretentious and passive aggressive human being.

For example, I recently watched in-studio footage from the making of his new record and it really shocked me how… absurdly serious he was taking himself! There was just so much ‘me me me’ talk and ‘I’ve worked so hard and I think I deserve everything I have’ kind of stuff. I’m sure you do, but did you really have to reiterate it throughout the entire video? As a fan, I’m much more interested in your creative process, what inspires you, how you come up with such great music, etc.

He also seemed to complain a bit about how hard it was to record the new album in the church, and how defeated he was at one point by the whole process. Well I mean buddy… you chose to record it there (and it came out beautifully I might add). I just think it’s unnecessary to complain about small things like that. Maybe it’s because I consider myself quite the optimist, but having the opportunity to do the thing you love the most, even with little hiccups, shouldn’t bring you down you know? I believe there’s always a means to get what you want to work out.

At any rate, I didn’t remember him being like that in interviews. I mean sure, he’s always been a bit serious, but he still cracked the odd cynical joke and he often said some insightful stuff that I respect. 

So yeah. This ain’t a ‘I Hate Dallas’ post by any means; I still respect him and the music he makes very much. I just think that he is a case of brilliance wrapped up in a not so brilliant package. 

(via kentalopes)

Just think:


  1. I have to share the earth’s oxygen supply
  2. With people who think that women who dress a certain way deserve to be raped
  3. Does that not
  4. Make you want to throw up on everything

Fucking YES.

(via confusedtree-deactivated2013092)

  March 26, 2011 at 04:44am

I wish coffee tasted how it smelled.

^ THIS. Thank you for stating this out loud.

(via confusedtree-deactivated2013092)

  March 05, 2011 at 08:00pm